How to be a grown-ass woman
My mujer mojo is missing in action.
The title of this post makes it sound like I’m going to tell you how to be a responsible female adult. Instead, I’m trolling for your ideas on the subject.
First off, an explanation. I spent a fabulous three estrogen-soaked days with a couple of stellar lady friends last weekend. We convened with a 5-week-old and a 5-month-old in a wood-fire-heated cabin near Sand Point and proceeded to settle in. We chatted. Cooked. Cooed at babies. Changed a LOT of diapers. And we walked in the snowy woods, drank dark beer, and debriefed what it means to be a mother. One of my friends remarked that she recently got called out for not behaving like a “grown-ass woman.”
Back in my own homestead, this term shot into my sleep-deprived brain during a mid-night awakening. I started ruminating on what, exactly, characterizes such a woman. Was I a grown-ass woman? More importantly, do I want to be one?
I certainly feel a lot more grown-up lately, though in a tired sort of way. And I definitely notice my ass more, now that I run up and down the stairs to wash diapers, and squat up and down to pick up my big baby boy. But I might feel the least womanly that I’ve ever felt. Becoming a new mother seems to have neutered–or at least muted–my gender. My boobs are utilitarian. My hair is limp and dull. My mujer mojo is missing in action.
That’s why I’m putting it out to all of you wise readers. Does being a grown-ass woman mean waving bye-bye to my pre-baby mojo, or does it mean I have to get it back? And how, exactly, do I get it back?
Neutering aside, here are a few more reasons why I’m pretty sure I’ve become a grown-ass woman:
- I put my child first.
- I can touch poop without making jokes or gagging uncontrollably.
- I appreciate my family and friends more than ever, and strive to help them as much as they help me.
- I worry about getting injured or dying, which makes things like snowboarding or flying in helicopters less appealing.
- I still want to have fun, escape reality, and do reckless things (even though #4 gets in the way).
- I wash dishes when they’re dirty (eventually).
- I’m willing to make sacrifices and compromises.
- I totally hate making sacrifices and compromises.
- I can have serious conversations about important topics.
- I can make snow angels or play balloon wars.
This list tells me that being a grown-ass woman is an oxymoron, a contradiction, and often confusing. What do you all think are the qualities of a grown-ass woman?
